Water Drops

I originally planned to structure this blog according to the details of Joani's day to day struggle to live normally and enjoy her childhood despite diabetes. As the entries rolled in, with me as the lone author of each, I realized that I was discussing more about how I was coping with her disease and my life instead of her struggles. Staring at Joani's face while she slept in my arms as we were watching TV last night, there was nary a trace of anxiety or fear or even apprehension. 

Her cherubic countenance was an image of pure innocence and tranquility. Joani dealt calmly with her condition and the restrictions that came with it, just like she did with the house rules I have set regarding proper social behavior and etiquette. Not once did she protest or question if she was told to cut down on some of her favorite activities or foods because her health demanded it. She blindly followed all my admonitions and adjusted herself to her new life with perfect ease.

How I wish I could acquire that same childlike finesse in handling my personal issues with work and the other  people around me. The burden of dealing with my own frustrations at the office and overseeing the management of Joani's diabetes have taken their toll on my head. The big difference is, with Joani, my efforts, no matter how frantic, are appreciated. That sweet little smile, her total obedience, and that absurd warm feeling I get whenever she nestles her little head in the crook of my arms melt the exhaustion and disappointments I've dealt with, in raising her and making her young life worthwhile. At work, however, the ambiguity and total disregard of poker-faced colleagues and stone-hearted bosses leave me feeling cold, dispensable, and totally unappreciated. At the end of the day, being slapped on the face with this reality just drains me so. I don't know if they just got too busy and were swamped with tons of work, that they had lost sight of my sacrifice, after I stood by them unquestioningly during extremely pressing times. 

Oh, well...Life goes on. So long as I stay true to myself and dedicated to my craft all is right and well in my professional life. Bosses come and go. Loyalty shifts as you jump from one ship to another. But integrity and professionalism stay regardless of where the wind takes you--if you focus on bettering yourself continuously that is. For now, I would persist with being the scrupulous dogged creative that I have always been. Staying true to my craft is staying strong for Joani and of course, myself.