Joani Gets the "D"

Taking on the role of Joani's guardian was an uphill climb. Make no mistake about it: I love Joani very much, and she means the world to me. But  having to learn the ropes of becoming an aunt-mom(an aunt in a mom's role) when you have set your sights on staying solitary for the rest of your life was far from easy. Combine this with the schedule I keep at work--deadlines, projects, nasty clients, meetings left and right, and all that corporate hoopla; life was one  maddening roller coaster ride. I was a drugged bullet train running high on adrenalin and excessive stress that I feared I would just drop dead halfway into my oh-so-many tasks as Joani's bawling echoed in my mind. I was burning the midnight oil like crazy.

By the time Joani celebrated her 7th birthday, I had ballooned into a whooping 198 lbs. from a healthy weight of 125 lbs. The results were conspicuously disgusting. Moreover, I had to bear the sluggishness and other adverse physical symptoms that eventually took their toll on my performance at work and yes, even at home. Cranky most of the time, my patience was already wearing thin. Joani has always been a spunky kid possessed with a razor sharp wit so much like her mom's. Early on she had displayed the same emotional transparency and no-nonsense attitude as Anita's. With each passing year, I can't help but notice how she is growing up to be more like her. It was like Anita reborn; however, this time around, it was my turn to take on the role of being both mother and father to her.

As the weight piled on, I found it difficult to put up with Joani's harmless quirks and playful antics. I did my best to stay patient and never let the negative physical symptoms affect the way I treated her. There was even a time when I thought I have already acquired diabetes or heart disease. The anxiety brought on by my speculation added to my burden and frayed my nerves even more. Little did I realize that my fear for my own health was nothing compared to how anxious and hurt I would feel two years later.

If I were the one directly affected, I  guess matters would have been more tolerable and easier to handle. But with Joani on the line...The weight of the realization was something I wasn't prepared for.

Before Joani's 9th birthday, she was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.  The diagnosis came as a shock. I knew diabetes runs in our family. With my excess weight and insane lifestyle, it would not have been surprising if  I came down with it. But Joani...It was hard to understand how someone so young and beautiful could be so unfortunate as to acquire a disease as serious as diabetes. I knew that diabetes can be managed with vigilant monitoring and the right food and lifestyle.

But Joani is just a child...

The day she was diagnosed last year was the day half of my heart died. 
Walking hand in hand on our way back to the car after receiving her diagnosis, Joani remained every inch the exuberant little angel that she has always been. She looked at the other cars and verbally took note of their colors as she usually does when in a parking area. Burdened by my fear and anxiety for her welfare, I could only look at the ground in silence.

She abruptly stopped chanting the colors and turned  her attention to me. Looking up at me with those large brown eyes, she asked, "I still get to play at the park with Lizzie during Saturdays, don't I?"

The question brought me back to my senses. Funny how children are. Despite the gravity of their situation, their minds are still focused on the lighthearted simplicity of every day life. Though morose, I could not keep myself from smiling at her.

"Of course, sweetie."

It was only then that I realized how my whole world revolved around  Joani --and  to think that I was once this self-centered woman too reluctant to play the role of  her guardian. If only God would allow it, any time, I would  gladly have for myself Joani's diabetes--and I would do so with a wide grin on my face as I  exclaim a heartfelt "Thank you!"