Adios Paella!

You can't be too easygoing in front of a child. Something about his/her innocence and helplessness strips you down to who you truly are on the inside, making you see qualities ingrained in your natural human goodness, which you tend to overlook. I have always lived for myself and myself alone. Even when Anita and I were living together, I have never been as worried about her as she had been with me. Being the big sister, I guess it was but natural and expected. If I had been in her shoes, probably, I too would step up to the plate and take responsibility for my younger sibling. 

When Joani came into my life, however, I was abruptly forced out of my protective cocoon of indifference. The future was something that has never crossed my mind until the day I became her guardian. Living for myself, thinking of how I would get by on a daily basis, was easy. It hardly mattered if my schedule was unhealthy, or I gorged on fatty foods all day long. My career as a creative has led me to live the life of a bohemian. I indulged my freedom and relished anything and everything that I find pleasurable. I ate what I want and did what I want. With total abandon, I embraced whatever came to mind.

I did whatever I felt like doing, thinking, "It's enough that I stay fully responsible and disciplined at work. My personal life does not have to be as austere."

Not that I was totally liberated in my views and way of life. Actually, I have always been rather conservative though I am tolerant of personal differences. My Achilles' heel is food. Besides my creative outlets, writing and painting, cooking and eating have also served as  effective emotional pacifiers and deviations. 

Modesty aside, I pride myself to be quite a good cook and a hearty eater at the same time. Having acquired my aunt's suavity in the kitchen--Anita and I used to stay with her during spring break as kids, I can whip up really tasty meals that Anita who, despite being figure-conscious, find hard to resist no matter how she tried to control herself. But after having ballooned to 198 lbs. and Joani's diagnosis with Type 1 diabetes, the weight issue and my destructive love affair with food needed resolving ASAP. 

I can stay a blimp forever for all I care. But not with Joani around. With her condition, weight is a serious issue. And being her guardian, it is only imperative that I set the example for her to follow: I should start getting serious with dieting and health issues fast. So...

Goodbye Godiva chocolate. Farewell my mouth-watering Paella de Mariscos. In time we would meet again. But for now, I have to stop cooking paella  during weekends and my other favorites on weekdays, as well as stocking my fridge with my delectable home-baked  peach pudding and butter cake and that oh-so-heavenly chocolate(sigh) from the chocolate shop across the street.